We are so hard on ourselves sometimes. Time flows and things always and inevitably change. If life is good now, there will be a turn up ahead. And the other way around, too. It is nothing but the nature of everything. We have a tendency to forget that from time to time, but we do know it. We have witnessed it so many times, and gone through the change ourselves enough times to know that time is a merciless force, but also just a servant to Change.
So, times are rough right now. You lost a job; someone stole your ideas, hurt you, abandoned you. Or you simply have no idea how you will go through tomorrow. You might have everything that others desire, and still, you simply feel empty and lost. External situations or reasons don’t really matter. You feel you should know better, do better, be better. You should have more by now, definitely. You’re observing others and they seem to know what they are doing. They certainly seem to move in the right direction.
But you, you feel stuck in a quicksand of thoughts and emotions. And you blame yourself for it. You want to scream, break something (or someone). Of course, the only person you’re angry at is yourself. Because you do everything right, but never fit in the fabric of your life situations. Your thoughts betray you, your emotions overtake your logic or plans. And Life just keeps pushing and pulling, left and right. You’re tired of being bruised, of not moving, not becoming.
Then, because you are a good person, you slap yourself; remind yourself that things could be much worse, that there are millions, billions of people in a worse situation… that you have nothing to complain against, really. You recite and repeat every positive affirmation you get your hands on, again and again, truly believing them for a moment, and then falling back into that void of not Knowing. And it makes you feel even worse.
What you are forgetting in those moments, is that even that despair is stepping stone on your way forward. What no one is telling you, least of all you to yourself, is that it’s OK. We don’t always need (or can) be the best versions of ourselves, and that is more than OK, it’s normal and understandable. If you react badly to a situation, what can you do? The situation has already happened, there really isn’t any point punishing yourself for it. You look at it through Clarity that Time brings, and you learn from it. Fix whatever can be fixed, release anything that can’t be forgiven, and move on.
It is OK not to know what tomorrow brings. It is OK to feel scared amongst the waves of uncertainty. It is OK to feel unsure of who you are and what you want to be or do. It is OK to know you should be better, but at this moment, this is the best you can do.
Allow yourself some freedom. Freedom to be weak momentarily. Freedom to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Freedom to just Be for a bit. Freedom to rest from all the “I should” and “I could” and “I need to” and “I want to”. All of these will still be there, waiting for you, the moment you start walking forward. But for now, just for a bit, it is ok to not move, to sit and just breathe. Take your time… a day, a week, month or a year, it doesn’t matter. Stop pushing yourself in circles. Accept the not-knowing for a while, and give yourself a break. Your own mind is telling you to hurry up, that life is crushing down on you or slipping away. Just for a bit, ignore it. Your emotions are overwhelming you, everything feels important and urgent. Everything feels like it’s demanding a piece of you. Just for a while, ignore it. Just Be, without judgment, without self-imposed pressure. It’s OK, whatever you are feeling, wherever your life is at the moment, whatever is happening, it’s OK. Just accept it, as it is right now, and take a deep breath.
It doesn’t matter what others are telling you. They might have the purest hearts and the best of intentions, but they are not you. At this moment, right now, no matter how long that moment needs to be, just allow yourself to be empty. Empty of good intentions of others, empty of pressure you impose on yourself, empty of what you or anyone else thinks should be.
We are souls experiencing what it means to be human. To have the mind and the body, wishes, desires, goals, dreams, potential. We created this fantastic world with all its miracles and illusions. Just flow with it for a bit.
When the voice appears again from the depth of your Self, you will run, fly again, knowing exactly what and where and how and why. But for now, it is absolutely OK to not know any of that. Don’t beat yourself, don’t apply more pressure than life itself already does. Just breathe, that’s all you need to do, and even that happens without your effort or control.
The confusion will drift away, emotions will stabilise, the void will fill up again, as it did many times before. You are always guided, always loved, even in the midst of your self-imposed sufferings. If you only stop hitting yourself, stop thinking so much – you will feel it, the loving embrace we are born into. Nothing can ever be lost. Nothing can ever be taken from you. Remind yourself of that, and allow Time to do its thing. There is nothing you yourself need to do, nothing to push, internally or externally, mentally or physically. Just BE for a while, however long that might be.
The Universe flows in constant flux, unmistakably and with absolute certainty. We are a leaf in that river, and the river never forgets us, never abandons us. So, how about we stop worrying for a bit and let the river decide the best way, direction and speed for us right now.
When we know or think we know, the Universe lets us do our thing. When we don’t know, we really should just let the Universe decide. And for that, we need to stop pushing for a bit. It’s OK to feel lost. Just trust that we never truly are. Surrender your worries and ideas to higher forces for a while. It’s totally OK.
Hug yourself. You don’t need to love yourself to do it. You don’t need to like who you are at the moment, compared with who you thought you would be by now. Even that is OK. Just take a little break from trying, or even from not trying. Just a little break from all the judging and comparing. A little time off. It’s OK.
Tomorrow is another day. Let’s see what it brings.
.
